4 stars I received an ARC of this book from Netgalley. My emotions are so jumbled after reading this story that I want to give it both five stars and one star. I feel like a damp cloth discarded into a pile of rancid rags, left to molder, but it wouldn’t be possible for me to feel this way if the writing weren’t so damned good. Ms. Greenberg, I hate that you made me care about your characters before tearing out my heart and stomping on it. That’s why I’m only giving you four stars. I honestly don’t know how to write this review without spoilers, but I will try. If you’re reading this review and don’t want to have any idea what happens in this book, perhaps you should stop now. Initially, I couldn't put this book down because I found Zooey self-deprecating and just plain funny. Some of her observations were all too much like something I’d think. When asked by her best friend Hannah to meet her cousin Rylan for a date, Zooey replies, “...which part of me looks like I date bros who have Roman numerals tacked on to their names?” Nevertheless, she agrees and he texts her: “My cousin says your the greatest person she knows, and that I would be lucky to buy you a drink. How’s next week? —Rylan.” Her next bit of narrative is, “”Your’ howled at me,” and we know she’s going to tell him to get lost, but then he texts back: “You’re. I promise, I aced middle school grammar.” She decides, “Fine. Maybe I would let him see me naked.” Some of the other humorous observations were these: “I was two beers past sober, and thus the harbinger of the world’s greatest wisdom.” And “I grabbed my glass of Pinot as if it were the banister and took a much-needed gulp…” And “To enjoy this song, one must enjoy it in such an over-the-top manner that other people become unwilling participants.” And “I slowly turned my head, as if I could somehow delay humiliation if I simply pretended that I wasn't born with the correct neck muscles to look sideways at people.” The narrative is told entirely from the POV of Zooey, which would make you think you’d understand her a little better, but ultimately, I didn’t. She’s a likable and relatable character who embraces her individuality and wears it like a crown. In my view, however, she wears it like a ball and chain. How can I empathize with a woman who consistently chooses the most painful path? Who fights against what her heart wants because it doesn’t fit with the image she has of herself and how life is supposed to be? It’s as if she was born perfectly-formed and self-aware and there’s no need for her to mature and change her views. And she certainly won’t compromise. It’s maddening. Sometimes a theme is so obvious, it’s impossible to ignore. The theme of the story is that holding onto secrets is damaging to our souls and we must be willing to speak our truths, no matter how ugly they may be, no matter what the outcome might be. To me, that’s too cut-and-dried. Sometimes we need to temper the truth with compassion, and sometimes what’s true today is not true tomorrow. Unfortunately for Zooey, once she discovers her “ugly” truth, she decides it will never change. The power and importance of friendship is also a strong throughline. Again, this is simplified. Zooey and Hannah have been best friends for thirty years, and yet they keep secrets from each other and neither is willing to tell the other the hard truths. Yes, I know; eventually they share their secrets and that’s part of the healing Zooey experiences, but I found it disheartening that Hannah doesn’t share with Zooey that she might be making the wrong choice. Instead, she repeats what Zooey said to her earlier about Graham being a guy who would “move mountains” for her: “You’re worth moving mountains for too, Zooey.” And a small voice in her head asks Zooey, “Am I the mountain? Am I the very thing standing in my own way?” Oh, you’re so close, Zooey! YES, you’re the mountain! Of course, she decides she’s not, but the more important question (to me) is, why is she unwilling to move mountains? Is it only the man’s job to do that? Seems a bit sexist to me. Just sayin’. Maybe Zooey isn’t as confident and self-sufficient as she thinks she is if she’s afraid of losing herself in someone else. There were some priceless bits of wisdom sprinkled into what I originally thought was a very funny story but which I eventually came to realize was a tragedy. I love Romeo and Juliet as much as the next person, maybe more, but at least, they chose the path that they believed would bring them together. Although taken out of context from the story, this explains my response to the ending. It was “...a moment—a big moment—the kind you prepare for, but are never prepared for.” I keep reliving the final encounter and thinking WTF? I cannot imagine saying “I love you. I want to be with you,” but only on my terms. It’s not open to discussion or negotiation. Even though both of us will be miserable as a result. Is it so important to prove a point that you’re willing to forsake your own happiness? In the end, I really didn’t relate to her at all. It’s very pro-feminist, which I loved. But I found Zooey’s inability to articulate her needs and her unwillingness to understand, much less accommodate, someone else’s beyond frustrating. Still, I’ll point out what I did love. First was this: “Society and biology work together to try to put rogue women in their place.” Yes, it’s true, but there’s no need for one person to stand up and say, “Not me,” at the expense of her own happiness. There’s a saying for that…something about removing something from your face… And I thought Zooey’s revelation to Hannah was a powerful one: “I think that too often, women take pieces of themselves they have no reason to hate, and they carry those pieces around like failures. If enough women stopped apologizing, then maybe there’d be less of an expectation for us to always burn bright and stand still. Maybe our complications would become our backbones instead of our scarlet letters. Hannah, it’s a relief to stand tall in my own body, rather than shrink because I’m not the woman someone else expected me to be.” Although I could understand this comment from Zooey, it was followed up with a complete failure to recognize she had the power to redefine the societal expectations of what marriage could mean as a construct. “There was comfort in knowing that by coloring outside the lines, I was in control of where I wanted my pen, and it was not where someone else told me to put it.” Rylan never wanted her to change and I don’t believe he would have ever told her where to put her pen or where to color. She gave up the “perfect” man because she couldn’t see a way to combine her love for him with her need to express her true self. It made me want to shake some sense into her and remind her, “This is what you wanted all along! You can have everything you want!” But maybe the author doesn’t believe that’s possible. I appreciate that the title of the book is explored, and eventually, redefined in a much more positive light. It makes more sense. One of the other things Ms. Greenberg does with her narrative is clever and memorable. It’s a little thing, but sometimes little things can have a great impact. It’s common enough, when someone asks what’s wrong, to say, “Nothing.” Whenever this happens in the book, Zooey narrates, “It was not nothing.” After an encounter with Rylan, Zooey is thoughtful and Rylan asks her what she’s thinking about. As with everything Zooey, it’s not a simple answer: “I felt a thickness in my throat as the answer tore through my bursting heart. ‘Will I ever love another man as much as I love you in this moment?’ I was living in a moment I knew I would one day ache for. I was home, and I was homesick. He was magic, but magic was fleeting. ‘Nothing…’ I lied. It was everything.” And it was heartbreaking. And I still want to cry. I’m exhausted. March 13, 2022
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