Mental Musings from
The Marginatrix
...because sometimes I just need to share my thoughts.
My husband gave me my first mixtape. It was a collection of songs he had assembled to attempt to convey to me exactly how he felt. It was a safe way to tell me he loved me because he could always claim it was just a song. I got the message and began to create my own.
The thought and care that goes into creating a good mixtape is substantial, and because this was my first time and because he was, and still is, an audiophile, the pressure was high. How was I to convey my feelings in a way that was original yet clear? How could I hope to create something even half as good as he had? I did my best, and he loved it. And so it began. Over the years, we exchanged collections of music to express our feelings for one another in ways that were sometimes sappy, but always entertaining and enjoyable. And then for a while we stopped. I moved across the country and we lost touch. I married and had a child but that didn't last for long. He was never far from my mind. At a particularly low point, I reached out to find him, to reconnect. We exchanged letters until one day I received a package in the mail. It was a new mixtape, one that expressed the uncertainty and hope that we both felt as we embarked on this new exploration together. I made one for him in return. We continued in this vein, with occasional visits until a year later, when he moved here to join me. For our wedding, Joe created a series of mix CDs to celebrate the longevity of our love for one another. Every guest received a copy of one. Music, and especially mixtapes, will always be a symbol of our relationship.
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Elizabeth J. Connor
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